I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
