I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
