at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
