Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
