I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
