Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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