It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
