the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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