I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
