1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
