Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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