the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
