So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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