My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
