He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
