Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
