I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
