Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
