idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
