Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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