we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
