Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
