He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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