no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
