Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
not ubering you a puppy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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