i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
