You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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