Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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