You really coming over, don't trick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
