....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
