i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
