Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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