for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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