Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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