I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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