anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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