I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize