do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
