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apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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