Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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