he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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