i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
