Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
