Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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