apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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