my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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