I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
