I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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