If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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