Soap is not a condiment
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
