Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
