Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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