he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
