Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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