Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
